Eclipse

I'm liking some of the shorter pieces I've done recently. Decided to keep the title the same as the topic; any suggestions for changing it would be great, though! :)

Any advice as to how I can tighten this up even more is appreciated. How do you like the imagery?
I know there isn't much space for real "flow," but does it work for you?

"Eclipse"

Breathless,
Grandmother Moon clasps
night to her bosom,
and curls, quiet and closed
before the sun;

a black-eyed Susan
blooming in a dying sky.