I am AMAZED at the speed with which I cranked this out. Considering it has rhyming in it. For a prompt. Okay, so 2 hours isn't exactly a SHORT period of time, but still.
I'm quite pleased with this ^^. Playing with rhymes a bit on this one. Rhyming styles used: imperfect rhyme, internal rhyme, and eye rhyme. These are all wikipedia-able.
I really quite love this BUUUUUUUUUUUT as usual, I have some questions for critique:
1) most importantly, I have that random little "cheshire" line in there that I absolutely love, but I'm worried makes NO sense to anyone else; well I mean, it's not SUPPOSED to mean something, but there is a rhyme (HAH! literally! bahahaha...) and reason to it. Thoughts on it?
2) I'm concerned that some of the imagery is just a tad random (not including the cheshire line), even for an Alice-y, madness-y poem. Thoughts on this topic?
3) Line breaks: what do you think? I've gone a bit more rambly for this...
4) If you have any specific questions or comments, let 'em rip!
"Alice of Sky and Earth [A Mirror is a Looking-Glass]"
[Cheshire treasure shepherd, nest, sir, chest. of.
drawers.]
I am only as real
as the teeth that spread themselves into a smile,
the eyes that wait to see the air ripple.
I fear people who call things simple.
I kneel at the hearth and dirty my knees in the sienna-brown earth
and throw fistfuls of ashes
against the mountains—
great stalactites growing down into the cover of clouds.
The theory of relativity
says that I can
borrow time by
turning back the hands of clocks.
I would remove
those shining prison teeth one by one.
My body roves
the length and breadth of well-shafts,
roves like the machines built for Mars; but not for me.
I am above and beyond
the dictations of up and down.
At the seaside I may translate sky to ground
and very gentle, tremble, tremble—and drown.
I'm quite pleased with this ^^. Playing with rhymes a bit on this one. Rhyming styles used: imperfect rhyme, internal rhyme, and eye rhyme. These are all wikipedia-able.
I really quite love this BUUUUUUUUUUUT as usual, I have some questions for critique:
1) most importantly, I have that random little "cheshire" line in there that I absolutely love, but I'm worried makes NO sense to anyone else; well I mean, it's not SUPPOSED to mean something, but there is a rhyme (HAH! literally! bahahaha...) and reason to it. Thoughts on it?
2) I'm concerned that some of the imagery is just a tad random (not including the cheshire line), even for an Alice-y, madness-y poem. Thoughts on this topic?
3) Line breaks: what do you think? I've gone a bit more rambly for this...
4) If you have any specific questions or comments, let 'em rip!
"Alice of Sky and Earth [A Mirror is a Looking-Glass]"
[Cheshire treasure shepherd, nest, sir, chest. of.
drawers.]
I am only as real
as the teeth that spread themselves into a smile,
the eyes that wait to see the air ripple.
I fear people who call things simple.
I kneel at the hearth and dirty my knees in the sienna-brown earth
and throw fistfuls of ashes
against the mountains—
great stalactites growing down into the cover of clouds.
The theory of relativity
says that I can
borrow time by
turning back the hands of clocks.
I would remove
those shining prison teeth one by one.
My body roves
the length and breadth of well-shafts,
roves like the machines built for Mars; but not for me.
I am above and beyond
the dictations of up and down.
At the seaside I may translate sky to ground
and very gentle, tremble, tremble—and drown.
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